Thursday, June 3, 2010
One of the joys I've introduced into my rhythm this year is "The Sacred Journey: Daily Journal For Your Soul". I had a rare quiet moment alone last night, and sat down for a few moments of quiet introspection. This is always challenging for me. I am the kind of person that says, "What we need to do today is..." before my eyes have even opened. The to-do list in my mind is constantly clicking upwards as I finish each task, and even though I know it's important to slow down, I find it challenging. My head often feels like it's vibrating with the energy of all those things I "need" to do.
This has been a pattern for me; it took an unhealthy turn in my late twenties when I approached stress burnout. In hopes of saving money for our wedding, I was teaching full-time, waitressing on weekends, teaching bellydancing one night during the week, and acting in a local theatre group. I was on a treadmill that wouldn't stop, and the constant pressure on my adrenal glands led to poor sleep. I was both wired and exhausted. My chiropractor finally laid down the law: if I didn't stop, my body would force me to.
It took months to recover from this habit I had of DOING, of saying, "Sure, I can do that". Lately my inner voice is nudging me, "You're doing it again..." I am better at listening to it these days.
So, I smiled ruefully when I sat down with my journal, because the month of May was completely blank; this is not because there was nothing to write, but because there was no time to write. I know that this space has become a journal of sorts, but perhaps not of my heart's most inner whisperings. I do a Tarot reading at the start of each month; I'm not particularly flaky, and I don't lead my life according to "the cards". But I find they spark my reflections, sometimes leading me on paths of introspection I wouldn't have travelled on my own.
As my "current objective" card, I pulled one that symbolises "repose, temporary retreat, contemplation, slowing down". Hm. Interesting...I thought it might have something to do with finally working on losing the "baby weight" that has hung on for the past year!
Instead, I have been encouraged to adopt as my aims for this month: opening my mind to the present, liberating myself from attitudes that don't serve me, and accepting my limitations as a mother, a wife, and a woman in today's society. That's a to-do list that may take more than a month, but will impact our lives than any housework would.
I'll leave you with this random wonderful photo from this past week, Violet running in and out of the laundry. I may take a cue from my children and just do what feels fun in any given moment.