I quickly tidied the kids' rooms, sorted through their drawers and cleaned out the stuff they've outgrown, threw some laundry in the washer, threw some wood in the furnace, washed the dishes, and tidied up the kitchen table.
Then I sat down with my journal. I love to write about my aspirations for the coming year on January 1st every year, but didn't manage it this year. I like to look back at last year's resolutions. Usually, I giggle at the fact that last year's were the same as this year's, and muse over the knowledge that perhaps I'm already as "me" as I can get. My weight doesn't change, nor do my exercise habits, eating habits, or strengths.
Last year, I wrote that I would seek true connection, especially with myself. Other goals for 2012 included:
- saying know when I was tired, and sometimes letting others down to honour my body's need for rest
- connecting with my children; to pay closer attention to their needs and stages of development
- to simplify our diet
- to order/buy food in bulk
- to allow my tastes to evolve so that I don't feel the need to include meat/dairy/gluten in meals
- to bravely try things that intimidate me like growing my own food and building a root cellar
- to value our money more, to spend it wisely on needs rather than wants
- to connect with my husband and to improve my skills of expressing needs, listening compassionately, and sharing myself
- clean, simple home
- clean, simple food
- peaceful hearts
And yesterday, with perhaps the first quiet moment we shared together since Norah's birth, Robin and I lay on our bed together, just talking in the winter sun that drenched us, taking time to admire the baby we created together, and to share our dreams for our future.
The above list about summed it all up. Each day, we get a little bit closer to living our lives more creatively, more courageously, and more simply. It takes time and it's so easy to get swept up in the cycle of get up-get ready for work/school-get home-eat-clean up-make lunches-bedtime routine-sleep and repeat.
We dream things that seem impossible or irrational: homeschooling our children and not feeling so tied to the money we owe for our home/cars/schooling/other debts. It seems insurmountable, to get from the life you're living to the life you dream of.
But what is it to be human, if not to continue striving to be better, to live better, and especially, to love better? I liked a quote I saw on Facebook the other day: "Today is the first page of a 365 page book"...
So, I'm three pages in now, and always, always hopeful that this year will bring about some of the beautiful change I'm dreaming of.