Smiling through it all (photo by Violet)
You know that question, "If you were stranded on a desert island, who would you want to be with/what would you want to have with you?" Well, I've essentially been "stranded" for a few days here on the Knitty Gritty Homestead, and I'm astounded at the room it's given me to think about a few things that don't like to be thought about.
Things are financially tight for us right now. That's one of those things my mind does not like to explore too deeply. I've lived happily in a state of denial for quite some time. I made the decision to work part-time for a few years, after 5 years of on-again/off-again working (between babies). We knew this would be a challenge, as I'm the "main breadwinner" (that is such an archaic term, I know...), but we are optimists at heart, or perhaps we're just really unrealistic.
On the weekend, we accidentally left my camera in the beach bag with some damp towels. Now it won't work. This is another one of those things that does not want to be thought about, as I'd been dreaming of a better camera, but working determinedly to be grateful for the camera I DO have until I could afford a new one. The implications of having NO camera are many, but mostly, I feel the loss of freedom in what I post in this space. I certainly have enough photos in my files to patch something together, but the spontaneity is a bit strained. There have been so many moments where I've risen from my spot to fetch the camera, only to realise that that precious speck of time will only live in my memory.
In addition to this, my husband had a conference to go to in Ottawa for three days. He let me know on the morning that he was leaving that he wanted to take our laptop...our only computer. This sends me into a mild panic, as I live on a farm with 3 small children. I know I can SURVIVE without the computer, and that blogging is not ESSENTIAL to my well-being. But I still had to talk myself down as he drove down the laneway...I was ready to paint my hand red and stamp it on a soccer ball just to have some adult company ("What was that, Wilson?").
About ten minutes later, he called to say that his gas tank was leaking badly and that he'd have to come back to take the VAN to the conference. Say what? This control-freak had had about as much as she can handle, and it wasn't even 7 a.m. I burst into tears and called my sister; hubby arrived, took the carseats out of the van, and drove away again, not only with my connection to the wider world, but also my means of transportation.
The car has had gas tank issues for a couple of months, but we couldn't afford to get it fixed. Now we HAVE to get it fixed. I'm going to be stranded until next Tuesday (without a vehicle). My parents are going to help me get the kids to swimming lessons, and I imagine I'll spend the time cleaning the house and playing with the kids.
To top the morning off, I had NO groceries. I am pretty creative, but I had no bread, milk, butter, fruit, or yogurt. I had planned on going to the grocery store as soon as I got the kids dressed. I am a chronically independent person, and do NOT like to ask for help. So, it was in tears that I called my mom to see if she'd come out so I could use her car to get groceries.
So, the desert island is the Knitty Gritty Homestead. The people I would choose to be with me are here...my three little poppets, eyes open and ready for the next adventure (although maybe Gerard Butler might like to stop by)...the objects I'd bring with me are here as well...lots of wool and a set of knitting needles! I could knit a hammock, a yurt, clothing, a net to trap coconuts...you get the picture. I like this space to be a place of joy and humour. But my blog description also includes the word "chaos", and that's the way things feel right now. I embrace the chaos as a part of life, as vital as joy and humour (though a bit more uncomfortable!)
Please bear with me as I try to create posts using old pictures! I'm staying positive that we'll figure out how to get the car fixed AND replace my camera. I'm thinking of starting a secondary blog...I'll keep you posted as the idea hatches into reality.
Until then, do enter my marvellous giveaway! You only have Thursday left, as the winner will be chosen randomly early Friday morning (EST)! Best of luck!