the way they eat

An interesting topic came up in our house this past weekend. Jude mentioned that his friends at school "look at him weird" when he eats his lunch. He doesn't always express himself clearly, so gentle probing and questions directed at getting him to clarify are par for the course in a conversation with Jude. He has mentioned in the past that he feels shy about his lunch, so after the subsequent conversation on Saturday, I brought it up again as we drove out to the goat farm.

We make an effort to create school lunches that are as "normal" as possible when feeding a child with food sensitivities. We don't go in for lots of treats, but I do try to include homemade cookies or muffins when I can. His little containers are full of berries, cut-up fruit and veggies, hummus, rice crackers, gluten-free salami, etc. The main course is usually leftovers from dinner: meat and potatoes, soup, pizza. 

While we drove, we had a conversation:

"What is it that the other kids have that's different from your lunch?"
"Fruit loops and stuff like that. In shiny plastic".
(long pause while I thought out my next words)
"Do you know why we don't buy stuff like that?"
"Because we don't have enough money?"

Wow. Little ears pick up every conversation their parents have, don't they?

I explained to him that packaged foods actually cost less than good whole foods, but that we buy those healthy things because we want his body to be healthy. I tried to explain in terms he'd understand. I talked about the cells in our bodies, and how certain things can change our cells so they can't do their jobs anymore. We talked about smoking, chemicals, dye and additives in food. I reassured him that his lunch was full of FOOD: things that had grown on trees or walked on the earth, and that his body would be healthier because of it.

I reassured him that the way we eat is a CHOICE we've made as parents.

It pains me to think of him growing up feeling self-conscious or "different". I worry that it will all backfire when he's an adult and can finally make his own choices about what to eat, and decides he wants the packaged stuff. I worry that he doesn't understand my motivation or the effort it takes to make a lunch from scratch every evening instead of just throwing in a bunch of pre-packaged crap.

We arrived at the goat farm, and we each learned to milk.

As we were leaving, I said, "Jude, your lunch may be different from your friends' lunches. But I'll bet none of them have milked a goat before!"

His face shone with pride, and I knew that, for now, it's all good.

A Week of Clean

Oh! I spent a luxurious weekend with my sister and her family, eating copious amounts of amazing food, drinking cold wine and coolers, and reading. A lot. A whole novel, in one day to be exact. Roberta Rich's "The Midwife of Venice"...get thee to a bookstore if you haven't read it, but make sure you book childcare so you can dive right in!

Now I'm feeling bloated, and my suspicion that I share my son's (and my sister's) intolerance to gluten is staring me in the face...or rather, punching me in the gut.

I've had the busiest two months of my life, and that is really saying something. My skin looks dull and my eyes look baggy.

So, starting tomorrow, I am going to begin my week of CLEAN...clean eating, exercising a bit, and getting into bed by 9 p.m. I'm only booking a week so as not to overwhelm myself!

I have this habit of rebelling against any expectations/restrictions I place on myself. Basically, I say, "F you!" ...to myself whenever I try to eat healthily, exercise regularly, or sleep more. Like my intelligent, intuitive self that is saying "You'll feel better, you'll lose weight and get fit, you might even LIVE LONGER!" is some controlling parent, and my ego is the cocky teenager that says, "You're not the boss of me!!"

Okay, I know teenagers probably say ruder things than that to their parents nowadays. But you get the picture.

I sabotage myself.

Just visit http://www.controlfreakproject.blogspot.com/ to follow my determined path from January 1st...when I declared that this is IT, I'm DEFINITELY losing weight, getting my finances in order, and decluttering my house!! Back then, I had six months till my brother's wedding, sort of a halfway goal. Then it was seven weeks. Then one week. I knew when the wedding was 3 days away that I was sunk, at least in terms of that goal.

My dear friend Maureen is kicking ASS when it comes to transforming herself, and I am so inspired by her, but in a faraway, good-for-her-but-I-could-never-do-that kind of way. The funny thing is, she told me recently that she was inspired by my weight-loss in the fall (when I was tremendously busy and stressed)...ha!

SO. Here I am. It's the first week of July, and the summer is spread out before me like a pretty picnic blanket. And I have set some more goals for myself:

• eat healthy
• exercise
• go to bed early
• be nice to yourself!!

It's only for a week. We'll see how I feel after that, and maybe I'll just continue. But only if I don't nag myself...


Wish me luck. Again.

A New Heroine

 I'm almost in tears writing this, because I just baked these:

nut butter-and-jelly cookie cups

and when the kids came in, Violet said, "Can I have a cookie?". I said yes. Then Jude said, "Can I have one, too?" His expectant little freckle-face searched mine for the word that I sometimes cannot say because of his gluten and dairy intolerance:

Yes.

I used to bake, a lot. In our home, baking is synonymous with love and comfort. I remember coming home from school and finding the kitchen table covered with cookies sitting on a layer of newspaper. The greasy rings left behind spoke of home.

I rarely bake anything now because I hate to say "no" to him when the girls can eat it, and have found that gluten-free substitutes just don't make the cut. Without butter and the sticky, binding qualities of gluten, baking is often tasteless, gritty, or just...blech. It can taste like dried peas (if it contains chickpea flour), crumbles into a million pieces, or makes your tongue feel weird.

Last week I hit a wall. I do the majority of the cooking and feeding around here, and with a gf/df child, a picky preschooler, a husband who always feels underweight, I feel like I need the skills of a specialist, when really, I'm just a mom trying to work, garden, farm, knit, and sometimes sleep. My husband came home and no dinner was made and I made him take the kids out to the chip stand for fries. I stayed home and ate a scrambled egg. I was at the end of the line, after having spent too much money on mixes and substitutes that just didn't satisfy.

I knew there had to be something I was missing, but I don't have the know-how (or the time or discipline) to experiment with flours, starches and gums to come up with the best gluten-free flour blend.

Lucky for me, Silvana Nardone has done if for me! Author of "Cooking for Isaiah", Silvana tested and experimented and perfected gluten and dairy free cooking. I just got her cookbook and have made three recipes from it since yesterday: Sloppy Joe Stuffed Potato Skins, homemade pizza crust, and the cookies you see above.

Not only did all three recipes get rave reviews from Jude, they were also enthusiastically eaten by everyone else! The cookies are everything you want from a cookie: sweet and a bit salty, crispy on the outside, dense and chewy on the inside. Unbelievable.

I asked my hubby to pose for a shot. I told him to act sexy while eating the cookie. He wasn't sure what that meant, but I'd say he nailed it, wouldn't you?

Porn for moms of gluten-free kids: exhausted-looking dad enjoys homemade cookie.

So, I am now following the church of Silvana. She's helped me out of a rut, inspired me, and has made me a heroine in my son's eyes, just because I made a delicious cookie that he, too, can eat.